Editor’s note: Kathy Holahan, Annandale, was one of two parents who spoke at the Friendship in Action Luncheon held last week. Here is what she told the group at the fund-raising event.
Friendship Ventures was born of a dream of a safe, kind vacation place for children with developmental handicaps. This place would be welcoming to as many as possible. The dream also included a respite for tired parents. The dream was the parents’ dream for their children and themselves, a dream that came true when these parents stretched their finances and fund raising skills to start Camp Friendship. My 26-year-old son Tom works at Camp Friendship. Tom has autism and Tourette syndrome. Camp is a safe, kind workplace for Tom. If Tom had advertised for a job a few years ago, the ad might have looked like this: Wanted: Job for strong young man. Loves out of doors. Can’t talk much. Enjoys working with others. Not able to greet co-workers. May communicate at times through tantrums. Yells and screams randomly. Difficulty following directions. Problem in sustaining tasks. Requires at least five-mile walk every day. Needs constant supervision. Little judgment for own safety. When Tom was in high school, I joked with his social worker that we needed to find a job for Tom with a deaf farmer. Where would I find a job that could harness Tom’s energy, keep him safe and accommodate his needs? We did find a job for Tom at Camp Friendship, a job that started as an Annandale High School work experience and developed as Tom’s work skills developed. My loud but nonspeaking, sometimes agitated, always energetic son Tom was diagnosed with autism around 3 years old. Tom was full of surprises from his birth. He developed an odd sleeping pattern through childhood, waking at 3 a. m. to begin some days and finally crashing other nights at 3 or 4 a. m.. Tom started speaking at 8 months old, but that speech didn’t develop as it should. Tom wasn’t a hugging child. He didn’t point. He wasn’t interested in playing with his many toys in the ways that other children enjoyed. He seemed to turn away from faces. His pediatrician thought that Tom was fine, and that I was too concerned about his development. Some day Tom would speak normally and all would be well. I did worry. I took him to see a speech therapist at Annandale’s Bendix Elementary School at about two and a half. Eventually, beautiful Tom’s odd behavior earned him the label autistic. Tom was generally happy but often frustrated about rules and expectations that didn’t make sense to him. Tantrums were sometimes a substitute for speech. Tom had kind teachers who gave him the security of boundaries. An adaptive phy ed teacher taught Tom the power of walking, which gave escape from a frustrating situation and a release of pent-up energy. At 14 another neurological surprise, Tourette syndrome, hit full force. Tom shouted and his legs and arms shot up and out at odd moments. In the high school world Tom was someone feared, avoided or made fun of by some. How could you relate to a boy who never said “hi” back? His most loyal friend was always his younger sister, Mindy, who suffered insults over her brother’s behavior. So how would we find a job for this young man? Camp Friendship seemed the safest place to me. Like the parents who had the dream of a safe vacation place for their children, I dreamt of a safe workplace for Tom. Tom started with a job coach who patiently worked with Tom at every task. You may have heard that people with autism are antisocial. I believe just the opposite is true. Tom has always craved social interaction and recognition but can’t relate in the same ways others can. Tom’s coaches along the way have found that the best way to help Tom sustain a task, whether gathering wood or stuffing envelopes, is to work side by side with Tom as a co-worker. There have been brooms and mops thrown in frustration, chairs overturned, work slowdowns, but they have been met with kindness, patience, negotiation of Tom’s hurts, fears, and obsessions, and time for walks. Remember that five-mile walk in the work ad? Camp Friendship is Tom’s safe place to walk by himself, away from traffic and insult, when he needs that release. Walks are built into his schedule. On days not fit for much walking, Tom enjoys another get away. His job coach reads to him. Westerns are his favorite – stories of manly self-sufficient men on horseback. A safe place for Tom to work–that dream fulfilled. And me – I can continue to work at a challenging job in education that I love. Tom’s current job coach, Beth Wendland, has worked out arrangements with Camp Courage and the Wright County Humane Society to stretch Tom’s work skills. Thursdays are Humane Society days. Tom has learned the tasks of cleaning the cat cages so well that he needs few cues to perform all the operations, and he needs help only in transferring squirming kitties from one spot to another. Tom teases Beth by varying from the set task, and smiles and chuckles when Beth reminds him of the proper way to perform. He is comforted by the boundary and the knowledge that Beth sees him as a capable worker. This past summer, Tom endured another neurological surprise, a minute long seizure while at Camp that sent him crashing to the floor. He spilt his chin, bleeding profusely. Beth handled the situation well, contacting the ambulance and me immediately, calming Tom and enlisting others to help. Tom was worried about missing work, and was happily back at Beth’s side as soon as possible. Every day, Monday through Friday, I bring Tom to Camp Friendship to start his workday. I bring one young man, but I see many others served. I am a constant witness to the great variety of vulnerable people served by Camp Friendship: exuberant, running children, gray heads older than mine perched in wheelchairs, many smiles but some behavior struggles. I see tired volunteers and remember those 3 a. m. nights. I see relieved parents secure in knowing their children are safe. Now those parents can have a break, too. So what would that job ad look like today? Found: Job for strong young man. Loves out of doors. Enjoys working with others. Is talking more confidently every day. Can follow directions and sustain multipart tasks on his own with few cues. Can greet co-workers. Understands his need for exercise and requests walks. Needs and has supervision of caring, firm, kind job coach. Remember that dream that the parents had of a safe, kind vacation spot for their children? Tom’s grandparents, John and Rosalind Holahan, were some of those parents. They joined with other parents to start Camp Friendship in the 1960s. Their dream expanded for Tom’s workplace. That legacy of kindness lives on for Tom and others in beautiful ways they never dreamed. A coincidence that Camp Friendship would give Tom a workplace with dignity? Coincidences are often blessings.