Were you aware that you shouldn’t drive into a garage until the door is pretty much up? If so, you started 2008 wiser than some of us did, and you probably don’t need to read the remainder of my Almost Annual List of Lessons Learned during the Past Year. But if you weren’t, you may want to read on. You may benefit from my mistakes in ways that I never have. Almost Annual List of Lessons Learned during the Past Year – If the lock in a public restroom doesn’t work, consider finding another restroom. – Always turn off your high-powered, battery-operated, oscillating, pulsating toothbrush BEFORE you take it out of your mouth. – If you are heading into a gathering where you will shake many hands, you should refrain from putting on hand lotion, even if it is your lovely, new "Lavender with just a Touch of Vanilla" variety. Or maybe, ESPECIALLY if it’s your lovely, new "Lavender with just a Touch of Vanilla" variety. – Be aware that a cell phone set to vibrate dances when it would otherwise be ringing. And it can dance right off your banister and right down your stairs. And even though it is still dancing when it hits the bottom, it may no longer have a working display screen. – Get into the habit of removing your stylish dangling earrings before you undress, otherwise your ear and your sweater may become attached. This is not stylish at all. – Giving a child a small pet will not keep the child from wanting a larger pet. – It’s best to ask your children about their homework early in the evening. Bedtime is simply too late to run out and buy molding clay, let alone build a medieval castle with it. – If you’re caught talking to yourself when you’re stopped at a stoplight, DO NOT stop talking abruptly. That will only confirm to other drivers that you were indeed talking to yourself and that you are embarrassed about it. Instead start swaying to the music. Others will assume you were actually singing, and singing is more socially acceptable than talking to yourself. At least I hope it is. – Before you sprinkle cinnamon on your toast, make sure it is the sprinkle spout and not the pour spout you have wide open. Same goes for garlic powder and onion salt. – Before you reach through your car window and into the depths of your mailbox, make certain that your foot is FIRMLY on the brake. Park might even be a good idea. – Don’t put too much faith in a hotel’s web site. They’re not likely to mention the train that goes by at 4 a.m. every day. Or that little issue with the air conditioner. Or the class reunion that’s taking place the weekend you’re there. Oh yes, and the photo on their website – that’s not your room. – Regifting may have a bad reputation, but in these tough economic times, it is an acceptable gesture – if you remember to remove the original gift tag. – Before you leave home and drive to the grocery store, before you fill your cart to overflowing, and certainly before you unload 25 or 30 miscellaneous items onto the conveyer belt, be absolutely certain that you have your WALLET. – Never remove the box from the CENTER of the large stack of Lego boxes in the toy aisle. – And a few miscellaneous items: Never believe your fortune cookies. Always save your receipts. And always put lids on the kettles before you start swatting flies. Oh. You already knew that? Why didn’t you say something? "Around the Bend" appears regularly in the Advocate and about 15 newspapers in the Midwest, including the Rapid City Journal. Rosby, Rapid City, S.D., lives with her husband and school-aged son. For more on Rosby, visit www.dorothyrosby.com.
