A New Year has traditionally been a time for looking back to the past, and more importantly, a time to look forward to the coming year. It’s a time to reflect on the changes we want or need to make and resolve to follow through on those changes. Recent polls indicate that more than 50 percent of Americans vow to appreciate loved ones and spend more time with family and friends in the next year. Strong families spend time together as well as acknowledge and praise one another. Think about using the traditional New Year’s resolution to improve the climate of kindness in your home by having family members practice the skill of appreciating and acknowledging others. Our homes can be a haven of peace and well-being and a place where family members should work to be kind to one another. Even when children are too young yet to truly empathize with others, they can still learn the skill of acknowledging and appreciating others and what they do for them. One of the best ways to teach children these skills and create an environment that emphasizes the value of "home" is by providing a good example. Explain that acknowledgment means that you recognize and respond to other people for who they are and what they do. For example, saying "Thank you for helping clear the table. I really appreciate your help," or "I noticed that you did your homework as soon as you got home from school. Now we can play a game together tonight," is an effective way to acknowledge one another that clearly shows appreciation. In parent education, we call this descriptive versus evaluative praise. Descriptive praise is typically more effective because it focuses on the behavior. It is important to focus on what was accomplished and not focus on evaluating your child’s actions. Just acknowledging the behavior will give your child the power to choose to act in ways that will benefit the home because they can recognize your appreciation. Acknowledging others is a way to encourage all family members to be kind and appreciative, to consider others’ needs and to notice more positive things rather than negative things about one another. There may be some family members who are easy to acknowledge and others who may get left out. It’s important that all family members get acknowledged. Pay attention to how often you acknowledge family members and how a child or adult receives acknowledgment. We all need to know how to accept compliments and praise from others effectively. You can make a change in your home this New Year by simply remembering to appreciate one another.
Kathleen Olson has spent her career focusing on parenting issues and believes that most issues we face in life go back to parenting. She is an extension educator in Family Relations for the University of Minnesota and has two children.
